and we have the social aspect

i was thinking about the extreme social needs of a few people i know and i came upon an interesting discussion.

i questioned..."Do I' need people...
i thought about this for a bit, and here is my conclusion.

i believe that in this body there is a biological and emotional Need to be loved and understood and to belong(or share with like kind). i feel that inherently, i do need social interactions of some sort.
But i dont understand why i would need social interaction...i mean, i dont necessarily like it, i normally cant wait to get out of it, and for the most part,  i wish that i didnt need it.  for starters) most people annoy me, 2)most others' topics are Incredibly mundane, 3)a persons appearance seems Way too important during these 'meetings', and there is all this Etiquette of what to say and not say...regardless of whether or not its true.

so to know that as a basic need this social interaction must take place, allows me to be mindful of when i am approached by someone who starts a conversation. Im usually thinking in my mind, do i smile now? oh yes, nod...ok and heres a Great chance for me to interrupt and leave.

Thoughts of distraction today

ok, so on the one hand ive been submersing in some anlysis methods today.
especially loking at voice turbulence index- a nice little ratio of the (spectral) inharmonic high-freq energy  from 1800-5800hz to the (spectral) harmonic energy from 70 to 4200hz.
and if anyone out there can tell me how (mathematically) Noise-to-Harmonic Ratio (NHR) compares/differs from standard signal-to-noise ratio. let me know.
i thought someone told me once that NHR is basically some type of inverted snr??
Also with this crazy program, i assumed (stupidly) that average and mean were the samething...alas it is not.
Ave Fo is from all the extracted momentum Fo values (the reciprocal of momentum pitch periods)
were as the Mean Fo is for all the extracted momentum pitch periods!

the numbers are almost significantly different...on average about 5-7 points different. True not that significant, however, in my perfectionist brain...YES it is.

still working on this one...

***************
also somewhere i was reading today mentioned archetypes (you know the great Jung stuff).
and it reminded me of my FAV book: Memories, Dreams and Reflections by C.G.Jung.
one of his quotes that has stuck with me is:

"The pendulum of the mind alternates between sense and nonsense, not between right and wrong."

im not even sure why today it has stuck with me. but it has.


*************
i am also curious about behavioral traits of those with higher IQ.
i found a nice blog talking about some. and i found myself agreeing with almost all of it.
part of me feels VERY "jipped" as a kid. now a day's they would have found Everything out with me when i was younger (learned different, add, depression.."other")...for better or worse, it must have been though that that would have made my life much worse...
but i want to share that blog since it is a very interesting one. http://eve3.wordpress.com/2008/07/08/characteristics-of-the-gifted/

i think its coming near

it is not lasting.
and it is not horrible.

but it is peeking out.


a slue of self-doubt
no drive to discover
mind is drifting
but mostly,
mostly
that feeling...
it is like i feel a slightly heavy, dark liquid blanket laying atop me.

disguised as a shroud,
but meant to envelop

....but i want to delay meds.
..i'm not ready to go back on them...not just yet.