being swallowed.

i most often feel like the third pic, but soon therafter feel like the fourth. i dont think i ever feel like the first.
(thanks to xkcd)
the next one almost made me cry....
how i feel on many days as well, though not as many.

better to see this one close up.
http://xkcd.com/98/

dont talk

so this is when i'm supposed to really be blogging most. when i'm sliding down. when i have super high anxiety. yet its when i want to post the least.
part of me wants to tell everyone in the world that i need help. someone help me i know i'm headed down. i dont want it to get to bad. wait, how bad is bad. maybe i should wait to tell anyone until its bad. but whats bad. when i cant focus at work. when i cant go to work. when i start having suicidal ideation, when i have a plan?

see i just dont know my boundries and i feel like i'm a constant burden to my pdoc. i dont think he feels that way...but i do for sure.
i feel sometimes i,m not even worth saving.